Ask the Urban Dater: Is it safer to Give AND Receive?

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Ask the Urban Dater: Is it safer to Give AND Receive?

One of those ways is what I call “acting” as if. Humans are creatures of habit…whatever we do consistently for a long enough period will soon become our natural instinct. For instance, if I usually go to sleep at a particular time consistently my body is going to make that a habit…no matter what the time. Our bodies just do what we tell it…nothing more nothing less. If you tell your body that you are confident and charismatic and may pick up plenty of hot chicks, your body will respond and create that reality. When I was at the height of picking up and sleeping with many women, I couldn’t stop flirting with EVERY attractive woman I saw. Flirting became a habit. Being confident around women became a habit…but first I “acted as if”. Take women off of the pedestal and put yourself on one.adultfriendfindef Know your worth be confident and attract more women than you thought possible. Dating skills also give you confidenceYou get confidence by two ways: practicing a skill until it’s second-nature &what you believe about yourself (affirmations can help) For instance, learning and mastering all the dating skills you need to pick up plenty of women will give you plenty of confidence. Learning dating techniques like line openers, closing the deal, texting 101, acting “as if,” getting her number, when to call and what to say, etc. are all approaches to increase your confidence once you know what they are and practice them.

ALSO You can gain confidence by using daily affirmations. “What separates this site from other dating sites is our use of meditation and affirmations to aid in attracting women. The power of the mind is stronger than people believe. Our mind can help us to create anything we desire. The Law of attraction has been publicized widely through many books…and now through our book we specifically use this law to show you how to “attract” your dream woman or dream woman for the night!”Once you feel good about you, you’ll do good for you! When you feel better, you’ll do better…and attract plenty of hot women.The more you do something, the more second-nature it becomes and the more confidence you have in doing it. Like driving a car. It’s the same when learning how to pick up chicks “repetition is the father of learning”. Practice practice the skills needed to get women and watch a quantity of women you attract. It’ll be outstanding.Women have become simple animals. They are emotional and seek stability. Once you learn specific picking up skills/techniques, then master them through repetition as well as building confidence using the law of attraction (with affirmations & visualizations) you will attract more women than you probably ever thought possible. Photo Credit: Alexander Solodokhin Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook35Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: For Men Tagged in: Attracting Women, pick up girls Guys beat themselves up to no end trying to figure out how to ask a girl out. Approaching women can cause anxiety, particularly if you’re lacking in the area of confidence.

But if you practice and put yourself out there, things do get a little easier. That said, wouldn’t it be great if the woman you were after asked you out? Yeah, it would! Sometimes, It Just Happens. After she pours her drink from the soda dispenser, she walks past my table. I slowly look her up and down, appreciating her form. Though her eyes gaze forward and away from me, a pang in my gut tells me she’s checking me out through her peripheral vision. After she exits the restaurant to sit down, I follow and walk up to her table. “Hey” She looks up, “Hello!” “I saw you in there….and thought you were really beautiful. I wanted to come tell you that!” Her words and face express nothing but flattery, surprise, and appreciation. She invites me join her. After learning that I’m only in town for a few more days, she indicates we do something. I agree and grab her number, telling her of an art gallery I might visit. She says that after she finishes some homework, she will join me. We part ways and I meet an other woman at the library. I try to shag her quickly after a quick bite to eat, but her roommate is home and I have nowhere to stay (I should have suggested we get a hotel room). Nevertheless, my mood remains light, as I know the other girl really likes me.

Hours later, she texts me, telling me that she’s still finishing homework, but invites me to come over in the meantime. After chatting in her room for a few minutes, we decide to skip the art gallery, and really any activity that would involve leaving her bed;) Or, You Can Make It Happen As that lovely girl demonstrated, sometimes it’ll happen – she likes you so much that she asks you out.

Dress for the Date, Kids

But, as I’ve also discovered, you can open the gates and smooth the path for her. It usually works with girls who are really into you, but if you learn the signals of women and recognize those indicating interest, you will soon discover how many women out there are dying to meet up with you. And when you do meet these wonderful women, there is no greater gift than providing them the opportunity to chase you. In a world packed with desperate and needy men, ready to give life and limb to be with her, what she truly craves is a man she can ask out, a man she can chase. Indirectly Suggest a Date After moving into my apartment in a brand new city, I chat up some guys standing outside the complex; one of them turns out to be a neighbor. After talking and smoking for a few hours, we walk downtown. Seeing an Indian restaurant ahead, we decide to browse the menu-board. As I scan, I notice the hostess is really cute. I comment on the prices, loud enough for her to hear, and ask if everything is this expensive (I’m from a small town).

She responds, “Oh, where are you guys from if you’re wondering about prices?” I check out her and find her staring right at me. Lovely girl. As I tell her where I’m from, her eyes light-up with interest. She follows up with a few concerns. Drinking comes up in our discussion and she mentions that she doesn’t drink. I really like this. “Oh really? That’s awesome!” and I high-five her. Feeling a mischievous vibe, I decide to build a bridge between us and expose some commonalities (usually you want to avoid jumping at the bit to make a connection, since it makes you look thirsty, but she was already giving so much). “I actually recently quit drinking,” I confess to her. She beams with excitement. “Oh really?! No way, I don’t believe you!” She says. I reply, “Haha, well I guess we’ll have to find out in person…” Before I’m able to finish my sentence, she interrupts and says cheerfully, “Like hangout? Yeah, definitely!” I say, “Haha okay, cool, I want to grab your number.” And she quickly scrawls her number on a napkin for me. I pull out my phone and hand it to her. She says, “I hope I don’t get in trouble for this” and laughs nervously. “Don’t worry, it’ll be our little secret,” I tell her.

And even though she’s the hostess and there’s a waitress on staff, she serves us the entire evening. She showers us with free appetizers and even sits down with us to talk. In her excitement, she spills some water while refilling our glasses. It’s adorable to watch a girl get nervous about a man. No matter what I get from it, I’m happy to give her such an emotional adventure. How Does It Work? Demonstrate interest; very few women are aggressive enough to ask you out if you’re not being fun, flirty, or curious. Women fear rejection more than men, since they’re predominantly the receptive sex and rarely ask men out. Indirectly suggest something you can do together – this could be “well, guess we have to find out then?” or even “well that sounds like it’d be a fun time” The goal is to imply with syntax, but communicate explicit interest with your non-verbals (e.g., a devilish grin, a wink, etc). The beauty the following is that you can easily transition into asking her out (assuming you know how to ask out ! if she doesn’t bite. She may not ask because she isn’t interested, or, she’s just nervous. If she responds with something akin to “yeah that would be fun!” or shows some non-verbal signs of interest (smiling, twirling her hair, staring at you like a piece of meat, etc), then she’s probably not aggressive enough to take that step herself.

No worries. Simply follow up, “well, let’s go check it out together then!” or “hmm, well let’s get a coffee and see what else we share in common!” (I always recommend you suggest dates when you can and avoid explicitly “asking” her out). Set Up a Barrier For Her to Overcome Watch any hot girl’s Facebook or Instagram, and observe how many men believe that hounding women for a date or sex actually works. Aggression and persistence are attractive, but she needs to play her part in the dance (and aggression over social media doesn’t count; it’s creepy as hell). Sometimes women playfully act coy to garner more investment from you; other times she enthusiastically follows every step of the way; but one of the most fun dynamics is when you playfully act coy and set up barriers for her to overcome. It’s a woman’s investment in you, as opposed to your investment in her, that is most crucial to her attraction. Story Time I meet a girl at a party in my fraternity house – Jayna. Although, I know I’m able to take her to my room now, my friend texts to come hang out. I invite her to join me. When we arrive and ascend the stairs to his apartment, she begins teasing me. I’m thinking to myself: We haven’t even hungout yet and you’re already giving me shit?

 And she says, “Well then that means we need to hang out!” I give her my phone and she punches in her number. After a nauseating amount of flirting, I get up and sit on her lap. She wraps her arms around me, squeezes me and rubs my body. Then I interlock my fingers with hers and squeeze; she squeezes back. A woman who holds your hand and squeezes back is a sure signal she’s comfortable with you.

5 Subtle Signs Your Date is Into You

The night ended with us going back to my place. How’s It Work? Again, you need to demonstrate interest. You can’t play aloof the whole time and expect to have a high hit rate – showing your own interest is a key part of how to get a girl back with you, and of how to get a girl in bed. The most important move here was inviting her on a fun adventure, throughout which I frequently touched her, smiled at her, and engaged her in conversation – a girl, in most circumstances, won’t ask you out if you play too hard to get. She can’t be afraid that you’ll reject her. Then, introduce a light barrier for her to overcome – in the example above, I made “hanging out” the criteria for teasing me (i.e., we need to be better friends before she disregards social mores of politeness); she needs a clear obstacle to overcome.

You can also use time constraints; say “if I wasn’t leaving this weekend, we could have so much fun together!” on a Tuesday with a smile on your face. Your words should imply an invitation, and your body language should scream it. If you keep approaching and meeting new women, some will undoubtedly ask you out. But for the times when they don’t and you want to mix up the traditional “ask her out” process, then have some fun by getting her to ask you out. She’ll grin ear to ear for the chance to chase you. Photo Cred: Cayton Heath Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details Tagged in: 3 Ways to Make Her to Ask You Out, dates, Girls Chase I recently had the privilege and pain of experiencing a weekend fling. This is not to be confused with a one-night stand, of which I have had many in my lifetime. No, a fling carries with it all of the underpinnings that tie together a real relationship but leaves you with only frayed ends when it’s over. Here’s how it starts: you meet someone. You’re attracted to them instantly. They’re attracted to you. In my case, I had the world at my fingertips. I was on a trip to New Orleans for a weekend to run a race I participate in every year. I enjoy the city; from the first time I stepped foot on the cobble-stoned streets of this French Quarter, I was immediately swept up by the its romantic chaos, sophisticated whimsicality, and utter individuality.

I must admit, my story is two-fold: Last year, I made the trip with my mother. On our last night there, we ended up bickering, so I left our hotel room and went down the road to a popular bar where I could seek solace in a vodka tonic while we cooled off. Instead, I ended up meeting the most gorgeous, incredible, sweet boy of my life. (Sure, it helped that he was the one serving my drinks.) After his shift was over, he asked if I was hungry. Having just run a half-marathon that morning, I assured him that I was. We then embarked on a wonderful night on the town–wine, cheese, getting caught in the rain, exploring a bar set on a carousel, and I was spinning from his company all night. At the end of the night, he dropped me back off in front of my hotel and turned to me. “Can I kiss you?” he asked. I didn’t even answer; I moved right in for my personal. The goodbye was long and drawn out. Neither of us seemed to want to let go of the moment. He told me he wished I didn’t have to leave back to LA the very next day because he wanted to spend more time with me, and asked if I would please come visit him at the job before I left the next morning. Yes, I said. Yes, yes, yes. So, I did. The next morning, still bristling from the fight between us, I told my mother that I had to go say goodbye to a friend and wandered down the road to his bar. He came out, hugged me, told me again how much he wished I could stay.

He asked if he could kiss me again. Yes, I said. Yesyesyes. Then I got into my cab and headed to the airport. A text came through: Is it bad that I wish your flight was cancelled? My heart melted. As soon as I got to the airport and said a still icy goodbye to my mother, I walked right up to the airlines counter, asked how much to change my flight, and set down $200 on the counter before turning and getting right back into my cab, back to my boy at the bar. The look of surprise that washed over his face when I came in carried across the whole space. Surprise gave way to sheepishness gave way to happiness. I spent the rest of the afternoon keeping him company during his slow Monday work shift, eating lunch, laughing, giggling, occasionally sneaking kisses. At the end of it, we knew it was really time for me to leave him and I asked if he would ever come to California. Yes, he told me. Yes. A year passed. We remained Facebook friends and Instagram buddies. Communications that started out fairly consistently grew less and less frequent.

I started dating another person. My New Orleans bar boy became a distant, but still quite fond memory…until I returned the following year for the race. Photo by Paul Taylor I was unsure about whether to contact him. By this time, I was not dating the other boy. Instead, I chose the passive aggressive, modern day social media tactic of posting to Instagram with the location of my hotel in the French Quarter tagged. He immediately texted me and we made plans to see each other the overnight. What followed was a whirlwind weekend romance during which time we were nearly inseparable. I’m not going to lie; a part of me kept wondering what was going through his gorgeous head. I knew I was probably different from the year before in many ways, and maybe the 5 or so pounds I had put on in an effort to be happier and healthier as 2015 started out was not a welcome addition to my previously petite frame for him. Still, every moment when we would say good bye for the night, he would insist on seeing me again the overnight. He would hold me and hug me and kiss me and ask if he could see me again and my answer would always be similar: yes, I said. Yes, yes, yes. I was thrilled to have more time to spend with him this time. I met his friends and his dog.

He met my parents. He would kiss me and hold my hand in public. He would take me out to dinner and drinks and we even had an occasion to slip into the bedroom at one point. He showed me the entire city–his favorite haunts–and made me feel like the world was ours. On the night before I left, our goodbye was once again long and drawn out. Neither of us could let go–neither of us wanted to break the moment we were having together. The next morning, he met me early for breakfast before my flight. This time, after our kiss and our hug, I knew I would not be changing my flight. I had to be back; life was calling me. At the same time, I wanted him to be my life too.

After the weekend we spent together, how could he not be? The feelings I had, like the spinning carousel bar where we spent our very first night together, circled around in my head. He had to feel the same, I told myself. You don’t go through such a magical weekend with someone like that only to forget it ever happened. And yet, upon my return to LA…nothing. The occasional word, usually by my personal initiating. The less I got, the more I obsessed. I became obsessed with this feeling. Because why? Because I had possessed a relationship, something that felt so real and so right, for just long enough to have it hurt when it ended…and then it came to an end, oh so soon. Too soon. Sooner than I was ready to .

This is what I learned about flings: You feel flung at the end. I’m not saying my New Orleans bar boy is a bad individual. I’m not even ready to say that he didn’t enjoy spending the time with me over the course of that weekend every bit as much as I did. In the end, he was able to stay grounded, hold on to the pole of that spinning carousel, and meanwhile I was left flying through emptiness only to land with shock and surprise and hurt just where I had started. It’s still a fresh hurt for me. There’s still a part of me, sitting on the ground and freshly stunned from the impact, that thinks there may be another chance at this. Isn’t that what they say? When you get knocked off the horse, you get back on. Even if nothing else ever comes of it, and even for all of the bitterest and sweetest of these bittersweet feelings I have to wrestle with, damnit it to hell, yes, I would do it all over again. Yes, yes, yes. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: brief romance, casual sex, dating stories, dating while traveling, long distance fling, new orleans, Relationships, romance, Sex, short fling, true tales of love catfish (v): 1) To lure someone into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona. 2) A type of deceptive activity where a person creates a fake identity on a social networking account, usually targeting a specific victim.You’ve met the man or woman of your dreams! The two of you connected online and have been messaging back and forth for months.

Smart, funny, and attractive, this person has an incredible but demanding job and seems to be developing real feelings for you. You’re intrigued, delighted, and maybe even thrilled to have connected with a person who might really be The One. It’s too bad that you’ve never been able to arrange a video chat because of weird internet connection problems (even though the online messaging still works). Talking on the phone has been difficult too, because your cyber soulmate works third-shift, every day, with no lunch break. Still, it feels like a solid connection. Then one day, the object of your affection asks you for $800. There’s a sick , a visa that has to be purchased, or maybe an overseas financial transaction that won’t go through without resorting to bribery. You hesitate.

you imagine you’re way too savvy to fall for an online dating scam like you’ve seen on MTV’s hit tv-series, Catfish.

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